I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
