Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
