I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
