white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
PANTIES FOUND
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