I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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