I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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