There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
