saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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