my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
love makes seman taste better
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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