Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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