TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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