I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize