Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
