We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
