Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
