bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
