I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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