what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
