Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
