Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
