I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
