before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
