remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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