can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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