felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize