ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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