atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
