I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
