guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
