people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
