I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
