i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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