he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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