im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
