Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
