I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
