Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
