i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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