Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize