so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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