I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
