WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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