The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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