zippers are such a cool invention
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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