1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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