if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I think my vagina is haunted
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
