Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
A+ Viking dick
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
