was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
