I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
