dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You did what with his pubic hair?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
