I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
