i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
