She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize