i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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