Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
