dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You're earring is so big in my mouth
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
