I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize