I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just googled if crying burns calories
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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