you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
