piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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