Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
