They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
