My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
