and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
