Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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