Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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