Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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