last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just want nice things and good sex
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
