i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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