Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
