So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
