but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Damn victory sex feels great
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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