dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
