i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
