Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
