How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i think i have herpe
just one?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We were destined to go to rehab together
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
