you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
