this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
