I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
