You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
