he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize